I started dating a new guy a little over a month ago. His suggestion, but it's exactly what I had in mind.Things had been going great and there was a definite connection. (It's still weird how much we're on the same page and how much we're evolving at the same pace.) He then asked what we should call each other when talking to other people, so I asked him what he would like.I took a second to recompose, flash the bartender a smile, and order a Jameson and water.I texted a friend an sos message to meet me there because I was anticipating that the situation was going to hit me a few drinks in and I’d be the stupid girl crying at the bar over a stupid boy.Looking back now at the whole picture it makes sense, but all the isolated incidents never led me to think this would happen. I had kind of given up on the whole dating thing a few months ago. I wasn't ready, neither was he, both of us had been burned by past relationships.Sorry for the long post, but I didn't know if anyone here had a similar situation and could offer some words of advice on how to feel better and move on. He blew me off with a fade for a few months after saying he wasn't ready and wanted to be friends.I'm receiving treatment currently, he doesn't know this. This has been an accumulation of getting to know him more and trusting him, letting my guard down, feeling like I can be myself.
I started to analyze whether or not he could possibly have some sort of feelings also and then I'd check myself, I want things to be organic. He'd eventually stop bringing up his dating life and that's when I felt maybe he did care about me as more than a friend.
Like, to the point where I was almost purposely lame and generic AF to appear non-threatening. He ends up going to India for a month and we fade each other for about a month during that time after I could sense he was stressing on some shit and didn't care to hear from me. I figured if we were legit friends he'd come back around, no skin off my back. It had been a rough month for me, and I was feeling an impending sense of doom so I no longer gave a fuck what he thought of me. I started to open up about it but the whole night was so light and I was terrified he'd think I was being dramatic so I backed out.
We have communicated non stop for 3-4 months now and in a roundabout way I opened up about having something called Carcinoid Syndrome, sparing the details. I knew to keep it platonic because when I catch feels, I CATCH FEELS.
But the point is that I did try and now I’m brave enough to keep putting myself out there and to keep trying.
Live on the edge of your emotional comfort zone and you can experience love. I’m a lot stronger than I was immediately post-divorce, so I’m happy in the way I handled myself. I guess I’m pretty happy that he didn’t waste my time?
I'd notice him reaching out first thing every day and the ebb and flow was just too good. Last weekend he came over for dinner and we ended up sleeping together and I don't regret it at ALL.